what kind of world...?

God has left the world unfinished. And with every action, we're continuing the ongoing creation of the world. The question is - What kind of world are we creating?

-Rob Bell, from Sex God

reflecting on 2010

Two thousand and ten.  It wasn’t twenty-ten.  It was two thousand and ten.  It takes longer to say- but to me, two thousand and ten just sounded right.  I had intentions of accomplishing all of these goals this year, but alas, time passes, life happens and even our greatest intentions don’t come to fruition.  2010 was a year of a lot of transition and change for me- and to be honest, it was a really tough year.  I did some really cool things- like hiking to the top of Half Dome and obtaining what I thought was my dream job, but I also walked through a number of trials I never expected, didn’t learn lessons as quick as I sometimes wished, and spent much of the year trying to figure out who I am and what my place is in this world and in God’s Kingdom is (and what God’s Kingdom even looks like, for that matter).  

Here’s how I did:

///Study two world religions apart from Christianity and visit at least one other religious service.

It’s something I’ve always wanted to be more educated on, but just haven’t taken the time to study or learn...now’s the time. 

:::Half check.  I attempted to learn about Judaism and Islam.  I read a few books and watched a few documentaries, but there’s a lot more I want to learn.  

///Run a 1/2 Marathon. 

Even if I don’t run the San Francisco 1/2 that I’m planning in July, I want to be able to run 13.1 miles by the end of this year. Eeeeek...this one will take lots of work! 

:::SUCCESS.  Nope, didn’t run 13 miles in June.  It took almost the entire year to motivate myself to do it, but on November 14, I finished the Big Sur Half Marathon.  Accomplishing something has never felt so good. 

///Visit Yosemite.

...because I didn’t make it last year.

:::Check. Check. Check. And Check.  Because I went FOUR times.   Each time was completely different.  And each time was incredible.  I plan to spend much more time there this year.  

///Wrestle through my beliefs on homosexuality.

It’s something I should have done years ago, but has been staring me in the face more and more now that I live in the bay area. 

:::Fail. Kinda.  I tried. Really hard. For a couple months.  Then I gave up....because this is a HARD topic.  This is one of the most controversial topics in the church, especially in California.  This is a topic that garners more emotion and passion than almost any other topic and I’m still on the journey of figuring out what the Bible says and what that looks like in God’s Kingdom and in today’s world. 

///Read the Bible in two years.

My church challenged us to read the entire Bible, not quickly, but transformationally, so we’re reading the entire Bible with a 2-year plan. I’m excited about reading the Bible with more purpose. 

:::I have some catching up to do as I start this year- but I’m continuing this resolution into 2011. 

///Be involved in a small group. 

Why this one is so hard for me I don’t know. I love people. I love hanging out with purpose, but I can always find some excuse as to why I don’t fit in this small group or that small group. This should probably change. 

:::Check.  

///Finish the book “Surprised by Hope” by NT Wright that’s been sitting on my bookshelf half read for almost a year.

:::Fail.  Still not finished.  But it’s still on my bookshelf.

///Buy Fair Trade coffee every once in awhile. 

I drink a lot of coffee, but since I’m not planning to curb my consumption, I should at least be contributing to the greater good of the world when I drink it. 

:::eh, I think I failed on this one, too. :(  I think I forgot this one was a resolution.  Lesson learned: go back over your resolutions at least once a month.  

///Start a blog. 

I’ve already filled up at least 20 entries on iWeb that no one has ever seen. Why not publish them? Even if I’m the only person in the world who knows where its at. :)

:::Check.  Read next year’s resolutions to see how I’m going to attempt to further this goal into the next year.

I don’t my New Year’s Resolutions to be the only indication of my growth or accomplishments over a year- because they are the tiniest glimpse of 365 days in a life.  But I love reflecting on the year in this way.  

Hope is not about proving anything. It’s about choosing to believe that love is bigger than any grim, bleak shit anyone can throw at us. 

-stolen from a friend

running 13.1 miles...

What did it take to run 13.1 miles??

It's only been 36 hours since I finished the Big Sur Half Marathon and I've been quite thoughtful about the whole experience....

For me, running a half marathon took at least 4 months and 134.6 miles of training (I definitely made that number up. I wanted to give you an accurate number, but unfortunately that accurate number is on Lucy, my Macbook that I destroyed two weeks ago). I so appreciate the facebook friends who "liked" my updates and cheered for me along the way.  It takes a friend who will make a commitment to not walk for 13.1 miles with you, no matter how slow we have to run.  It takes 2 days of enjoying the beauty of Pebble Beach and 2 hours and 22 minutes of running along that beautiful coast.  You don't necessarily have to run along the shore of the Pacific Ocean with the waves crashing next to you to finish a half marathon- but why would you want to run 13 miles anywhere else? It takes another friend who jokes about bodily functions, understands chafing, and will enjoy a cup of cold, nasty beer at the finish line with you.   My calves were ever so grateful for the friend who worked her magic on them after the race was over.  It takes a roommate who listens to me complain about running when she knows how secretly proud I am for all I've accomplished in the last year.  It's the friend who runs the last 2 miles of a long run with me, get excited for me in the beginning when I finish 4 miles, and then yells at me for completing all 13 miles four weeks before the race.   It took many hours of stretching, at least 10 appointments at the chiropractor (who also ran her first half marathon this fall!), and a few days of limping from sore calves after those longs runs. Completing a half marathon forced me to sacrifice some of the activities I love (I haven't had time to go on a hike in 4 months!), but forced me to keep running until I learned how to love that too.

A year ago, I couldn't run a full mile without stopping. And yesterday, I ran 13. 

2010 New Year's Resolution #2: Run a 1/2 marathon. Check.

I call this chapter of my life: DISCIPLINE.

I had the day off of work today.  I ran 10 miles.  Who runs 10 miles on a random Monday off work?!?  

I invited a pastor friend of mine along on my run in form of a podcast on my iPod.  As I was browsing through his latest, I randomly chose one called “Soul Sessions” in which he spoke about the beauty of discipline not being in the act itself, but in the result of that discipline.  The words he spoke resonated so strongly with me as I pounded the pavement for almost two hours in the midday sun.  Running for two hours isn’t fun by any means, but every mile I run, I remind myself that I’m one mile closer to running a half marathon along Pebble Beach in Monterey, CA.  In just about a month, I’ll finish 13.1 miles and I can only imagine the joy I’ll feel. My legs will feel very little of that joy, but they’re starting to get used to the abuse I’m putting them through.  

Finishing 13.1 miles isn’t beautiful because I run for two hours on a random Sunday morning at 7am with 2,000 other people.  It’s beautiful because over 100 miles of training has led me to that morning.  It’s beautiful because a year ago, I could barely run a mile without stopping to catch my breath.  It’s beautiful because at least 3 days a week for 4 months, I’ve been disciplined enough to leave the cookie dough in the fridge until I’ve finished my run that night.  It’s beautiful because it’s been a journey.

And isn’t that how all of life is?  

Jesus. Careers. Finances. Friendship. Marathons.

I’m re-learning the beauty of discipline in my spiritual journey.  I can read the Bible every day because as a Christian, that’s what I’m supposed to do, right?  But am I allowing His word to truly feed my soul?  I’ll never be able to understand or savor the full sweetness of this relationship until I do.    

I’m trying to be disciplined with my finances because I’d like to have enough money that someday my discipline won’t be out of necessity but only because I want to be able to give generously to people and causes that are close to my heart.  

And, tonight I’m going to remember to embrace the joy of discipline when I show up for 90 minute yoga class in a 104 degree room....

To the man who hit my car today:

Hello, sir.  I know that I’ve never met you in person before, but I thought that it would be good to write you a little letter.  You see, I own the Chevy Malibu that was sitting on Marsh Rd. today that you hit with your little red paint truck.  I’m still not sure how you managed to hit my car and do so much damage coming around that corner, but you probably don’t even know yet that I can’t open my door and that I am unable to drive my car anymore because YOU DIDN’T EVEN STOP. Thankfully for me, some nice man who works at AT&T saw your ass drive away and left a note on my car for me to call him.  He described your little red truck in much detail and I immediately recognized the description because of your prime parking location directly across the street from my place of employment.  I kept a good eye out for your truck all day, but I was none too surprised to find your little red truck parked a block away.  Side note: if you want to do a hit and run, you shouldn't leave the evidence of  your broken tail lights under my car next time.  I also wasn’t surprised to find that you weren’t home when Officer Gary and I rang your doorbell this evening.  

You know I work in a drug and alcohol treatment facility, right?  That’s right, 16 women who love me dearly live across the street from you.  You should probably start parking your car more than one block away. 

I should let you know some details about my life.  At least about my life pertaining to my car.  First- Two weeks ago, I paid $1100 to fix my engine- an investment that I thought would last me a few more years.  Also, there’s a red 2011 sticker sitting my dresser that I just paid $94 so I could put it on my license plate and allow my car to be a happy resident of California for another year.  Also, I live in San Jose, about  45 minutes away from where my undrivable car is currently sitting.  If you didn’t know this already- there’s no public transportation options to get me to work at 7am tomorrow morning.  Oh yeah, Mom and Dad live 3,000 miles away.  That’s going to be a long drive to take me to work every day.

Could you spare some of that blue painter’s tape that you fixed up your headlight with today? I was hoping it would fix my alignment and maybe cover up the large dent in the side of my car, but since it probably won’t do all of those things, it might make a nice decal for my immovable statue of a car. 

To Live Simply

About 20 minutes ago, I posted a facebook status that said “attemping to live simply.”  After I wrote it, I wondered- what does that even mean?  Is “simple” the same for everyone?  How will I respond if someone asks me what it means to “Live Simply”? 

For me, living simply this week means that I’m going to rest.  I’m eating simple foods (Maker’s Diet, which I’m expecting to kick my butt royally).  I’m going to sleep at least 8 hours.  I’m going to spend time with my dogs.  I’m going to fully enjoy a game of tetris every now and then. I’m going to pray and journal and read and fall in love with Jesus again.

And I couldn’t be more excited.